Player Stock Ticker
The Wolf's Big Board:     Tuesday, August 22, 2017       Tier One - The Big Three ($65 - $75)   1 ) David Johnson (ARI) RB1   2 ) Le'Veon Bell (PIT) RB2   Tier Two - High-end WR1 and RB1s ($50-$65)   3 ) Antonio Brown (PIT) WR1   4 ) Julio Jones (ATL) WR2   5 ) Mike Evans (TB) WR3   6 ) Odell Beckham JR. (NYG) WR4   7 ) LeSean McCoy (BUF) RB3   8 ) AJ Green (CIN) WR5   9 ) Jordy Nelson (GB) WR6   10 ) Melvin Gordon (LAC) RB5   11 ) Jay Ajayi (MIA) RB6   12 ) DeMarco Murray (TEN) RB7   13 ) Michael Thomas (NO) WR7   14 ) Devonta Freeman (ATL) RB8   15 ) Ezekiel Elliott (DAL) RB9   Tier 3 - Remaining WR1s, Potential RB1s, and Gronk ($38 - $45)   16 ) Dez Bryant (DAL) WR8   17 ) Rob Gronkowski (NE) TE1   18 ) Todd Gurley (LAR) RB10   19 ) DeAndre Hopkins (HOU) WR9   20 ) Amari Cooper (OAK) WR10   21 ) Brandin Cooks (NE) WR11   22 ) Isaiah Crowell (CLE) RB11   23 ) TY Hilton (IND) WR12   24 ) Demaryius Thomas (DEN) WR13   25 ) Doug Baldwin (SEA) WR14   Tier 4 - High-End RB2 and WRs (with No.1 upside), Elite TEs ($25 - $35)   26 ) Jordan Howard (CHI) RB11   27 ) Marshawn Lynch (OAK) RB12   28 ) Tyreek Hill (KC) WR15   29 ) Keenan Allen (LAC) WR16   30 ) Martavis Bryant (PIT) WR17   31 ) Davante Adams (GB) WR18   32 ) Terrelle Pryor (WAS) WR19   33 ) Ty Montgomery (GB) RB13   34 ) Christian McCaffrey (CAR) RB14   35 ) Dalvin Cook (MIN) RB15   36 ) Joe Mixon (CIN) RB16   37 ) Leonard Fournette (JAX) RB17   38 ) Lamar Miller (HOU) RB18   39 ) Travis Kelce (KC) TE2   40 ) Michael Crabtree (OAK) WR20   41 ) Larry Fitzgerald (ARI) WR21   42 ) Carlos Hyde (SF) RB19   Tier 5 - Remaining #2 RB & WR options, elite QBs, High-End TE1s ($15 - $25)   43 ) Tom Brady (NE) QB1   44 ) Aaron Rodgers (GB) QB2   45 ) Bilal Powell (NYJ) RB20   46 ) Mark Ingram (NO) RB21   47 ) Eric Decker (TEN) WR22   48 ) Jordan Reed (WAS) TE3   49 ) Golden Tate (DET) WR23   50 ) Alshon Jeffery (PHI) WR24   51 ) Allen Robinson (JAX) WR25   52 ) Greg Olsen (CAR) TE4   53 ) DeSean Jackson (TB) WR26   54 ) Doug Martin (TB) RB22   55 ) Adrian Peterson (NO) RB23   56 ) Spencer Ware (KC) RB24   57 ) Willie Snead (NO) WR27   58 ) Danny Woodhead (BAL) RB25   59 ) Jamison Crowder (WAS) WR28   60 ) Sammy Watkins (LAC) WR29   61 ) Tevin Coleman (ATL) RB26   62 ) Mike Gillislee (NE) RB27   63 ) Jimmy Graham (SEA) TE5   64 ) Tyler Eifert (CIN) TE6   Tier 6 - Flex RBs, Upside WR3s, Quality TE1s and Elite QB ($10 - $15   65 ) Kelvin Banjamin (CAR) WR30   66 ) Julian Edelman (NE) WR31   67 ) Rob Kelley (WAS) RB28   68 ) Theo Riddick (DET) RB29   69 ) Stefon Diggs (MIN) WR32   70 ) Brandon Marshall (NYG) WR33   71 ) Jarvis Landry (MIA) WR34   72 ) DeVante Parker(MIA) WR35   73 ) LeGarrette Blount (PHI) RB30   74 ) Ameer Abdullah (DET) RB31   75 ) CJ Anderson (DEN) RB32   76 ) Zach Ertz (PHI) TE7   77 ) Hunter Henry (LAC) TE8   78 ) Martellus Bennett (GB) TE9   79 ) Jeremy Maclin (BAL) WR36   80 ) Cameron Meredith (CHI) WR37   81 ) Emmanuel Sanders (DEN) WR38   82 ) Pierre Garcon (SF) WR39   83 ) Drew Brees (NO) QB3   84 ) Matt Ryan (ATL) QB4   85 ) Delanie Walker (TEN) TE10   Tier 7 -Elite Bench Plays, Last Startable WRs and RBs, Quality QB1s   86 ) Derrick Henry (TEN) RB33   87 ) CJ Prosise (SEA) RB34   88 ) Donte Moncrief (IND) WR40   89 ) Terrance West (BAL) RB35   90 ) Thomas Rawls (SEA) RB36   91 ) James White (NE) RB37   92 ) Tyrell Williams (LAC) WR41   93 ) Randall Cobb (GB) WR42   94 ) Corey Davis (TEN) WR43   95 ) Frank Gore (IND) RB38   96 ) Jonathan Stewart (CR) RB39   97 ) Paul Perkins (NYG) RB40   98 ) Derek Carr (OAK) QB5   99 ) Jameis Winston (TB) QB6   100 ) Marcus Mariota (TEN) QB7   101 ) Kirk Cousins (WAS) QB8   102 ) Ben Roethlisberger (PIT) QB9   103 ) Philip Rivers (LAC) QB10   104 ) Cam Newton (CAR) QB11   105 ) Dak Prescott (DAL) QB12   106 ) Russell Wilson (SEA) QB13   107 ) Duke Johnson (CLE) RB41   108 ) Kareem Hunt (KC) RB42   109 ) Andrew Luck (IND) QB14   110 ) Tyrod Taylor (BUF) QB15   111 ) Jack Doyle (IND) TE10   112 ) Kyle Rudolph (MIN) TE11   Tier 7 - High End "Penny Stock" Bench Assets   113 ) Jamaal Williams (GB) RB43   114 ) Eddie Lacy (SEA) RB44   115 ) Joe Williams (SF) RB45   116 ) Robby Anderson (NYJ) WR44   117 ) Zay Jones (BUF) WR45   118 ) John Brown (ARI) WR46   119 ) Jamaal Charles (DEN) RB46   120 ) Eric Ebron (DET) TE13   121 ) D'Onta Foreman (HOU) RB47   122 ) Taylor Gabriel (ATL) WR47   123 ) Jacquizz Rodgers (TB) RB48   124 ) Darren Sproles (PHI) RB49   125 ) Marvin Jones (DET) WR48   126 ) Ted Ginn Jr (NO) WR49   127 ) Mike Wallace (BAL) WR50   128 ) Kenny Golladay (DET) WR51   129 ) Jonathan Williams (BUF) RB50   130 ) Alvin Kamara (NO) RB51   131 ) Samaje Perine (WAS) RB52   Tier 8 - Remaining "Penny Stocks" to consider   132 ) Josh Docston (WAS) WR52   133 ) Corey Coleman (CLE) WR53   134 ) Adam Thielen (MIN) WR54   135 ) Marlon Mack (IND) RB53   136 ) Julius Thomas (MIA) TE14   137 ) Austin Hooper (ATL) TE15   138 ) Jared Cook (OAK) TE16   139 ) OJ Howard (TB) TE17   140 ) Eli Manning (NYG) QB16   141 ) Andy Dalton (CIN) QB17   142 ) Matthew Stafford (DET) QB18   143 ) Carson Palmer (ARI) QB19   144 ) Matt Forte (NYJ) RB54   145 ) Branden Oliver (LAC) RB55   146 ) Kenny Britt (CLE) WR57   147 ) Cordarelle Patterson (OAK) WR58   148 ) Rex Burkhead (NE) RB56   149 ) Tarik Cohen (CHI) RB57   150 ) Nelson Agholor (PHI) WR59  

The Importance of Unsportsmanlike Conduct

If you’re reading this article looking for fantasy advice, stop now. Don’t waste another second.


In my most successful season, I finished in 6th place. In my other 3 years, I missed the playoffs entirely. I’m no one’s idea of a “fantasy expert.” Jay Cutler has been my fantasy quarterback for 4 years running, and somehow I still see unlimited ceiling — that should tell you enough.

But don’t think for a second that means that I care less about fantasy football than the champs, I just prefer to be “a guru” of another crucial realm: trash talk.  My attention is far more focused on  low blows than on the X’s and O’s of fantasy success. Allow me to explain…

My fantasy league is made up of 12 of my high school friends. We all grew up in the same city, and some of our friendships date back 20+ years. With that kind of bond, fantasy football, to me, has become more about staying in touch with the assholes you used to light shit on fire with than tracking Antonio Brown’s receiving targets.

I work on ships full time. I only spend 3-4 months in the U.S. each year, and most of my travel does not allow Internet access. The things I’ve seen and my tales from the deep could fill up pages. Perhaps that’ll be a story for another day.

But this puts me at a major disadvantage to be up on the latest fantasy action. The Wolf’s all hard for this guy David Johnson who I haven’t even seen play yet. Still, I love harassing my friends too much to quit. So, I throw $150 away each year for the sole purpose of talking shit.

It’s a price I happily pay, because this bunch of co-degenerates provides some of the primest material around. I mean, just take a peek at these assholes. A piece of shit so whipped that  he drives 6 hours to pick up a fucking rabbit. A guy so obsessed with how much cock athletes are slinging in their pants that he drafts based on EDS (estimated dick size). A tool shed who still beats off to Disney Princesses. Worst of all, a Mexican that can’t even speak Spanish.

And so we all tear each other to pieces, for shit like this and all the other idiotic throw ups, bed wettings, and horrible hookups in between. We ruthlessly rip one another as we all pursue the chance to have our name stitched into the greatest prize in sports today — not the Lombardi or Stanley’s Cup, but a headwear accessory most commonly found in Egypt and Cyprus.

The Fez. All praise it.  

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Don’t get me wrong, I still love fantasy football. Prior to the annual draft, I do my share of research. I experiment with mock drafts from every position on the board, read articles online, and keep track of offseason personnel/coaching changes. I read about tendencies. I evaluate depth charts. I probably spend an hour a day preparing for the draft for the 2 months leading up to it.

So with that dedication why do I constantly finish in the basement of my league? Because I spend twice as much time trying to think up a clever team name that will degrade my opening week opponent.

I’ve attacked everything you can think of in this league. I’ve talked about friends’ mothers, sisters, and loved ones. I’ve ridiculed players’ pets and threatened the lives of their grandparents. Simply put, I’m a heartless sailor determined to sink every other ship in sight.

And although I’d love to climb the ladder to the top of our fantasy league, I get more joy talking about my friend’s receding hairline than I do over a fantasy victory. I like being able to keep in touch through messages so inappropriate that my leaguemates could get fired for opening it, at work.  The playoff picture would be nice, but thrashing my leaguemates is better.

That’s what makes fantasy football so great to me.

Let’s be clear. I’m a little fucked up. My friends are just as bad. So what if I like to deliver that friendly wake up text on a sunny Sunday morning in September telling my buddy to “go play in traffic.” It’s awesome to email a friend you haven’t seen in months and warn him that you are going to suck down rat poison if Jay Cutler throws another INT to end the first half. That’s why having a league of friends is crucial.

This column is reserved for the fantasy footballers like me, who are in it not to win it, but to shred their opponents’ souls. Those who enjoy a good story more than a good outcome.

So let’s tell it — share your finest trash talk stories over to SailorJ@rotostreetjournal.com

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