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The Bachelorette Episode 6 Fantasy Recap

Jo Jo with the guys in Argentina on the Bachelorette.

The Chad-less Bachelorette rolls on with episode 6, and the men who have survived are en route from the charming South American hideaway of Uruguay to Buenos Aires. With Jordan as the unquestioned frontrunner, the rest of the contestants are left with two clear options: Continue to try to win Jo Jo Fletcher’s heart—or see if they can cozy up to Jordan and score some free Packers tickets somewhere down the road.

Chris Harrison approaches Jo Jo and greets her with a forced “Hola”, which solidifies his place as one of the more intelligent TV reality hosts in the game today. Jo Jo responds by using the word “funnest” multiple times when describing this experience, solidifying her as one of the smarter Bachelorettes we have ever seen. She mentions to Chris that Robby said he loved her, and then she brings up Ben again, which I really wish I could in some way deduct fantasy points for.

The guys walk shoulder to shoulder up the street, spanning 8-wide. They look like probably the weakest street gang in Argentina. Alex, who is walking at the front of the pack like their midget leader, is letting his beard grow—possibly hoping it will make him look taller.

 

Chris Harrison explains to the guys how their time in Buenos Aires will be split up—a 1 on 1 date, a group date, and finally a 2 on 1 date—loser goes home. This prompts at least 3 guys to explain to the camera what a 2 on 1 date means, which everyone already knows.

We get to see their great hotel, which makes me feel like the Howard Johnsons I am currently staying in is slightly inadequate.

Wells gets the 1 on 1 date card. The card tells him in Spanish to kiss her—one of the first times I can recall a date card giving such specific instructions. He admits to the other guys he hasn’t kissed her yet. Everyone else looks at him with a look of pity with a little relief mixed in, as they now know he poses no threat whatsoever to any of them—by my count the remaining guys have combined for 22 on camera makeouts, and you can tell they all think Wells is totally pathetic now. When Jo Jo walks in to get Wells, Luke blows him up by asking if they are going to finally kiss. She kind of scolds him, but gives him a glance that says, “I know, right?” Awkward music plays.

1 on 1 Date

They go to a place called Brute Force, which suggests there is a chance Chad may be there lifting weights and poking frightened guys in the head. Sadly, it ends up being a dark room with a trippy pool on the ceiling that people are kind of sensually splashing around in. Wells looks for reasons not to kiss her, and the situation grows more tense.

Now a guy pretends to get shot, which they refer to as performance art. What the hell is going on??? Wells has multiple opportunities to lay one on her but once again he decides against it. This guy is acting like a huge pussy. Eventually they exchange a horrible, awkward peck which gets him 1 fantasy point, but should probably lose him 100.

Now Jo Jo and Wells are in the sexy water sliding around together. They are literally all over each other but he continues to “play it cool” I guess. She is dying for him to kiss her. He finally does and what I can only describe as a pathetic love song plays (+3). That was quite an ordeal.

Now they are having what is supposed to be a romantic dinner. Wells is happy like a middle school boy who kissed someone at the movies. He tells her he was skeptical at first, but now he thinks this is a viable way to meet your wife.

Jo Jo tells him he is very intriguing, which is Bachelorette speak for “I am about to send you home.” He asks what she wants to know about him. She says she wants to know about his last relationship. It lasted 4 years he says, and at the end they were just best friends living together. This seems to fit perfectly with what we have seen from the guy—he is interested in women, but he would rather chat with them than fool around.

Jo Jo asks him what are the 4 things you need in a soul mate. 4 seems like a very specific number, but unless I missed something he only ever gets to 1.   Wells says honesty, because passion goes away eventually. At this point, I am not sure what Jo Jo is having for dinner, but Wells appears to be chomping on his foot—putting it in his mouth every chance he gets. Jo Jo pushes back on the “passion disappears” answer. Wells swallows hard, probably because the foot he is still chewing on does not taste great.

She uses the word “friendship” when describing their relationship. She then calls him a wonderful human being, which is Bachelorette for, “No, seriously, I’m sending you home RIGHT NOW because I need a man who wants to have sex with me and you are way more interested in passing out due to heat exhaustion in fireman challenges than satisfying me sexually”.

There is crying from Wells (-5) which undoes a lot of the good fantasy work he had done previously in the episode.

He hugs her goodbye like a wuss.   They show a montage of Wells like he died or something as he leaves.

Back at the Hotel

The group date card comes, and Luke, Robby, Jordan, James Taylor, and Alex will be attending. This leaves Derek and Chase to participate in the 2 on 1 date later—Chase does not seem pleased with this at all, because he feels their relationship is solid and he shouldn’t have to compete like this to continue on. Derek feels quite confident.

Group Date

Jo Jo takes them to some town square/market.  She introduces them all as her boyfriends which the camera edits to make it look like it really shocked this woman she is talking to. Alex is just unbearable to be around. If I had to pick one guy’s torso that was going to end up getting tossed in the pool at the end of this, it would be his.

They play soccer against some guys on the street. The Argentinians are way better than them, of course.  Jo Jo scores a goal that is edited by the cameras but was clearly not real. The locals demand a penalty shoot out, with anyone who scores earning a kiss from Jo Jo. There are a few misses, and then Robby greases the goalie’s palm with a little cash to let him score. The guy stops the shot anyway and steals Robby’s money.  James Taylor scores and gets a quick peck (+1).  Despite this minor victory, James Taylor, who seemed like a frontrunner for a while, now just seems insecure and pathetic.

The rose sits ominously on the table. They do the “everyone gets a little time with Jo Jo to talk and make out routine”-and we do mean everyone since Wells is now gone.

Luke tells her there is something about her that just makes him want more. I don’t want to pretend I can read his mind, but I’d guess it is the whole process of staying with only other men for weeks on end while one attractive woman is dangled in front of his face constantly that is driving him crazy for her.   It is obvious that she is infatuated with Luke, and after a day with Wells I’m sure he seems like Wilt Chamberlain to her right now. The expected making out ensues (+3), and romantic music plays. She says she is running out of words to describe the passion between her and Luke. There is no doubt that they would totally have had sex right there if they weren’t on a group date.

James Taylor sits down with her. From the outset, it seems like he is intending to snitch the whole time. He goes right into talking about Jordan with vague examples of how he isn’t a good guy and loses 3 fantasy points for snitching. He says Jordan thinks he’s all that and thinks he’s a celebrity and “entitled.” I hate Jordan, but this is a huge pussy move. He then asks if he can kiss her, she says “yeah”. He gets 3 points for his trouble. She says James has all these qualities that would make a “great life partner”—I am assuming she is referring to the constant crappy acoustic guitar playing and the incessant snitching, but who knows?

Jo Jo grabs Jordan next as suspenseful music plays.   She almost seems scared to mention to Jordan there’s a problem. He comes off like an arrogant prick, smirking at her the whole time. He says it was just an argument over a poker game that James Taylor is talking about. He talks about how non-entitled and down to earth he is—but Jordan is definitely mad about this.

When Jordan returns to the group he sits down next to James Taylor and swirls his wine glass like a British super villain. There is a huge extended awkward silence. Then he swirls it more like an even angrier British super villain. Everyone tells him he is acting weird, which he is. He passive aggressively asks James how his conversation went and James downplays it and lies a little. Jordan calls it pathetic. Alex, Robby, and Luke are really enjoying watching this unfold.

James Taylor says to the camera that Jo Jo deserves someone who is not just there for fame, which she totally does—because she clearly has no interest in the whole fame aspect of this. I’m sure if it were up to her, none of this would even be on TV.  She seems like the type that wants to live the remainder of her life in relative obscurity.

She gives the rose to Luke (+3), which was an absolute no brainer.

Back at the Hotel

Back at the hotel, Chase and Derek are both kind of pissed about having to go on this date for their lives. Derek says he has the upper hand and he will definitely still be there in a few weeks. Chase says too bad Derek’s going home. Derek laughs. Chase then gets very serious and tries to be all tough.

The guys are noticing Chase seems noticeably unnerved.  Derek says he considers this a 1 on 1 for him, not a 2 on 1. He says he is expecting the rose tonight.

Chase and Jim from the Office Derek show up and Jo Jo greets them wearing a stunning red dress. They are going to be tangoing, which she says will show her just how well they can connect. Each guy gets to pull her close and dip her a bunch of times. Each guy just stands there while the other guy dances with her, which creates what looks like a very awkward scene. Derek says he can tell Chase is in his head, whereas he is using his heart. Derek remains ultra-confident.

They sit down at a dinner table that seems to have no dinner on it, which is kind of bull shit.

Jo Jo takes Derek aside first. Derek tells her he’s falling for her, which is what you say when you don’t want to say, “I love you” but want credit for saying it. They make out (+3). Right now it would seem Chase is in real trouble, but never underestimate the power of going last.

Chase tells her a lot is on his mind.   Jo Jo tells him she has feelings for him but feels like she is not getting much back. Chase says he is shocked by this, and now he is scared.

Jo Jo just keeps going at him, trying to get him to “open up.” Chase says how can I feel so strongly about making this leap with all these other guys around, as if he didn’t realize he was going on a TV show—like he thought he was going on a date with a woman he met on the internet and then there were just 25 other guys there, but he decided to stick around to see where it led. Jo Jo references Ben AGAIN. Chase says he’s there for her as music starts to play. They make out (+3) and now things look bleak for Derek, although he doesn’t realize it yet.

Jo Jo picks Chase (+3), but kind of acts like she’s going to pick Derek for a second, holding the rose up as she speaks to him. Derek looks stunned.   She walks him out.

At first, to his credit, Derek does not cry in the limo. Then everything falls apart. He says he thought he was enough but he wasn’t. “I’m Derek”, he says, referring to himself in the 3rd person like Golem would, “and Derek is imperfect”. Then he does cry (-5).

PicMonkey Collage

Meanwhile, Chase gets treated to another private concert (+5). As the singer belts out a solid rendition of Don’t Cry For Me Argentina, the camera cuts back and forth between the 2 of them cuddling on the dance floor and Derek sobbing in the limo and shouting at himself not to cry. I have to say, it was an excellent edit—unless you are Derek, who it made look like a pathetic little girl or a Hobbit whose mind had been poisoned by the One Ring.

Cocktail Party

We see at the beginning of the cocktail party that there are 3 roses on the table. The guys put their brains together, and using their combined mental abilities they determine that since there are 4 of them left without roses, 1 of them will be going home.

Jordan walks her away first and speaks with her, saying he’s nervous because of the earlier James Taylor conversation—as if he has anything to worry about. He comes off like a huge douchebag. They make out (+3).

Chase and Luke are smug with their roses pinned to their lapels. Alex is sweating a little, and kind of looks like he is wearing a wig.

Robby, who pretty much only knows how to swim and make out, does the latter and lands himself (+3) fantasy points.

Alex and her sit down and it is really uncomfortable. He tells her he is mad he hasn’t gotten to spend more time with her. Then he leans in and makes out with her, which is a total force (+3). It really seems like it grosses her out, but she goes along with it.

Realizing that he is fighting for his life in this game, James Taylor spills his guts and then they make out (+3). Then a few of the producers, security guards, camera men, and a few random Argentinian guys off the street come in and make out with her just so she can say she made out with everyone who might have wanted to.

Chris Harrison comes in steals and Jo Jo away so she can “think,” but in all likelihood they are just sneaking off to make out.

Rose Ceremony

They are in a huge dome ceilinged ballroom for the big ceremony. It seems like everyone acknowledges Jordan and Robby will get 2 of the roses. James Taylor does a lot of self deprecating while they are waiting for her to return.

We are treated to wide shot of all the guys that makes Alex look like a garden gnome.

Jo Jo tells them how hard this is… blah, blah, blah.

Robby and Jordan get their obvious roses, but then before the final rose Jo Jo just up and leaves—seemingly overcome with emotion. It seems fake to me, because I don’t think she likes either of them THAT much. It appears that I will be validated, because she then tells Chris Harrison she doesn’t want to give the rose out, which would suggest they are both heading home. This would take us to the Final 4 way too quickly, however, so it appears we are being misled.

Jo Jo comes back and now there are 2 roses on the table. Wait a minute… 1, 2 guys left—and there are 2 roses! My God, they’re both going to get a rose! Unless one of them is going to get 2… no, it turns out she’s giving them each one.

Although one would think Alex would be pleased with this, he tells the camera they were pity roses. His behavior is going to set the little people movement back years if he keeps this up.

This takes us down to the Final 6. More news as it unfolds, people. Stay tuned.

Fantasy Points Breakdown 

Alex: 6 points   (18 total)

Chase: 11 points   (33 total)

Derek: -2 points   (13 total)

James Taylor: 7 points (25 total)

Jordan: 6 points (46 total)

Luke: 6 points (34 total)

Robby: 6 points (28 total)

Wells: 1 point (20 total)

See you next week everyone. –The Truth

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