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Big Valbowski’s Wrestlemania 33 Preview & Predictions
- Updated: April 2, 2017
‘Twas the day of Mania, Roto Streeters!! The Vegas Lines are set, NXT takes the stage tonight in their hometown of Orlando, and we are zero sleeps away; our Christmas morning has arrived! We got a quick preview of the Wrestlemania stage from hosts The New Day, and boy does it look ridiculous. The Big Valbowski is here to give you a preview of the most important matches, along with my Wrestlemania 33 predictions for each match.
Before we dive in, this musical interlude is provided by Kurt Angle (please show up tonight!)
The WWE and Universal Title Matches
Brock Lesnar vs. (c) Goldberg
(C) Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton
The two mega-matches, feature two very different booking styles. RAW has the mainstream appeal, the two biggest names outside of The Rock in the world of wrestling. Smackdown has two full timers, in a well built, 6 month long storyline, climaxing at just the right time.
Valbowski Picks: Brock Lesnar and Bray Wyatt
Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns
There is a rumor this one is going on last, and Undertaker will retire after putting over Boredom Rains.
Valbowski Pick: Roman Reigns
AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon
Valbowski Pick: Shane McMahon
Shane is due for a W, and I think this is how they get Styles to RAW for the Bullet Club reunion with Finn Balor and The Club.
Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho
(United States Title Match)
John Cena and Nikki Bella vs The Miz and Maryse
A bizarre waste of the biggest name in the PG Era, and the best overall mic worker in the company.
Valbowski Pick: The Miz and Maryse.
Here’s my theory, The Miz and Maryse cheat and win the match. Heartbroken, Nikki Bella goes to leave the ring. Big Match John then drops to one knee, takes a wedding ring out of his jorts, and wifes up Nikki Cena.
Triple H vs Seth Rollins
A lot of people are shocked that A.) this is even still happening, and B.) that Vince waited so long before making the match “official”. It reeks of some kind of swerve, but I can’t put my finger on where it will come.
Valbowski Pick: Seth Rollins
Samoa Joe and Finn Balor will no doubt be involved in the fuckery, and it will result in HHH taking the clean loss to Rollins.
Charlotte vs. Bayley vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax
(RAW Women’s Title Elimination Match)
The last of the marquee matches on the card pits the Top 4 women on the RAW roster. Three of them are steeped in history, and the other one is Roman Reigns‘ cousin.
Valbowski Pick: Bayley