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Wolf's Big Board:     Thursday, May 25, 2017     Tier One - The Big Three   1 ) David Johnson (ARI) RB1   2 ) Le'Veon Bell (PIT) RB2   3 ) Ezekiel Elliott (DAL) RB3   Tier Two - High-end WR1 and RB1s   4 ) Antonio Brown (PIT) WR1   5 ) Julio Jones (ATL) WR2   6 ) Mike Evans (TB) WR3   7 ) Odell Beckham JR. (NYG) WR4   8 ) DeMarco Murray (TEN) RB4   9 ) Melvin Gordon (LAC) RB5   10 ) LeSean McCoy (BUF) RB6   11 ) Jay Ajayi (MIA) RB7   12 ) AJ Green (CIN) WR5   13 ) Jordy Nelson (GB) WR6   14 ) Michael Thomas (NO) WR7   15 ) Dez Bryant (DAL) WR8   16 ) Devonta Freeman (ATL) RB8   Tier 3 - Lower-end RB1 and WR1s, elite second options   17 ) Lamar Miller (HOU) RB9   18 ) DeAndre Hopkins (HOU) WR9   19 ) TY Hilton (IND) WR10   20 ) Leonard Fournette (JAX) RB10   21 ) Rob Gronkowski (NE) TE1   22 ) Brandin Cooks (NE) WR11   23 ) Demaryius Thomas. (DEN) WR12   24 ) Jordan Reed (WAS) TE2   25 ) Doug Baldwin (SEA) WR13   26 ) Amari Cooper (OAK) WR14   Tier 3.5   27 ) Todd Gurley (LAR) RB11   28 ) Carlos Hyde (SF) RB12   29 ) Christian McCaffrey (CAR) RB13   30 ) Jordan Howard (CHI) RB14   31 ) Marshawn Lynch (OAK) RB15   32 ) Davante Adams (GB) WR15   33 ) Alshon Jeffery (PHI) WR16   34 ) Isaiah Crowell (CLE) RB16   35 ) Tyreek Hill (KC) WR17   36 ) Keenan Allen (LAC) WR18   37 ) Spencer Ware (KC) RB17   Tier 4 - Elite QBs, Solid #2 RBs + WRs, side TE1s   38 ) Bilal Powell (NYJ) RB18   39 ) Tom Brady (NE) QB1   40 ) Sammy Watkins WR19   41 ) Aaron Rodgers (GB) QB2   42 ) Travis Kielce (KC) TE3   43 ) Terrelle Pryor (WAS) WR20   44 ) Allen Robinson (JAC) WR21   44 ) Mike Gillislee (NE) RB19   45 ) Mark Ingram (NO) RB20   46 ) Golden Tate (DET) WR22   47 ) Jamison Crowder (WAS) WR23   48 ) Greg Olsen (CAR) TE4   48 ) Tevin Coleman (ATL) RB21   49 ) Willie Snead (NO) WR24   50 ) Doug Martin (TB) RB22   51 ) Michael Crabtree (OAK) WR25   52 ) Brandon Marshal (NYG) WR26   53 ) Julian Edelman (NE) WR27   54 ) Donte Moncrief (IND) WR28   55 ) Drew Brees (NO) QB3   56 ) Ameer Abdullah (DET) RB23   57 ) Jimmy Graham (SEA) TE5   58 ) Tyler Eifert (CIN) TE6   59 ) Martavis Bryant (PIT) WR29   Tier 5 - Last Startable WRs and RBs + TE1 Candidates   60 ) Pierre Garcon (SF) WR30   61 ) Eric Decker (NYJ) WR31   62 ) Jarvis Landry (MIA) WR32   63 ) Larry Fitzgerald (ARI) WR33   64 ) Samaje Perine (WAS) RB24   65 ) Joe Mixon (CIN) RB25   66 ) CJ Anderson (DEN) RB26   67 ) Matt Ryan (ATL) QB4   68 ) Stefon Diggs (MIN) WR33   69 ) Emmanuel Sanders (DEN) WR34   70 ) Ty Montgomery (GB) RB27   71 ) Hunter Henry (LAC) TE7   72 ) Corey Davis (TEN) WR35   73 ) Adrian Peterson (NO) RB28   74 ) Kelvin Benjamin (CAR) WR36   75 ) Delanie Walker TE8   76 ) Paul Perkins (NYG) RB29   77 ) CJ Prosise (SEA) RB30   78 ) Eddie Lacy (SEA) RB31   79 ) Dalvin Cook (MIN) RB32   80 ) Theo Riddick (DET) RB33   81 ) Frank Gore (IND) RB34   82 ) Cameron Meredith (CHI) WR38   83 ) Mike Wallace (BAL) WR39   84 ) DeSean Jackson (TB) WR40   85 ) Martellus Bennett (GB) TE9   TIer 7 - side QB1s and Top WR and RB Lottery Tickets   86 ) Andrew Luck (IND) QB5   87 ) Derek Carr (OAK) QB6   88 ) Kirk Cousins (WAS) QB7   89 ) Marcus Mariota (TEN) QB8   90 ) Philip Rivers (LAC) QB9   91 ) Ben Roethlisberger QB10   92 ) Dak Prescott (DAL) QB11   93 ) Jameis Winston (TB) QB12   94 ) Joe Williams (SF) RB35   95 ) Derrick Henry (TEN) RB36   96 ) Kareem Hunt (KC) RB37   97 ) Jamaal Williams (GB) RB38   98 ) Davante Parker (MIA) WR41   99 ) Josh Doctson (WAS) WR42   100 ) Ted Ginn (NO) WR43  
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Fantasy Hall of Shame: Top Last Place Punishments

Indeed, winning a fantasy league and hoisting your championship trophy should bring a level of pride that ranks alongside the birth of your first child. Yet, the act of shaming your league’s pathetic, abysmal, last place piece of trash finisher should be just as satisfying and important. A deep wound of embarrassment that can be re-opened and salted for months, even eternity, on your fantasy message board, is absolutely essential. Also, having a merciless penalty ensures all owners remain engaged until the end; otherwise, fantasy fates can be altered by those wretched scum bags who are no longer in playoff contention and stop setting their lineups.

Below, we’ve collected some of the top punishments that glaringly remind dirt pile bottom dwellers just how worthless they truly are:

#5 – The Themed Calendar of Shame

This is among the more well-known punishments out there, and for solid reason. You get 12 disgraceful, but themed pictures of your last place finisher. Perhaps a monthly theme? A loser popping out of a pumpkin in October. A loser leaping alongside the Easter Bunny in April. Or, like this hilarious ensemble, the photos are themed by popular magazine covers:


Regardless of the topic,  the major benefits of the calendar are :

A) It can be a prominent display for all guests to see, and

B) There are 12 rounds of disgraceful humiliation for the loser

Given the year length to a calendar’s shame, my main league has settled on this for future last place finishes.

#4 The SATs

This one works far greater for older generations, yet is still satisfying for all ages given the overall shittiness of the SATs. Imagine the joy of watching your likely overweight, perhaps bearded, and most certainly idiotic leaguemate cramming into an ill-fitting desk alongside creeped out, even horrified high schoolers. Ideally, temperatures are hot so you can record the sweat pouring down this buffoon’s face as he struggles through a four hour tango with the SATs and Satan all at once. Full effort must be a requirement — no nonchalant, carefree rushing all the answers just to escape. Scores must be reported at draft night, so you can revel in how much dumber your last place finisher is as compared to the average high schooler.

These bros at B.C. laid the ground rules well, my favorite being the requirement of a high school letterman to rub in the age gap:

We set several ground rules for his test taking experience:

-He couldn’t disturb any of the kids that were taking the test for real.

-He couldn’t make any of those kids uncomfortable in anyway whatsoever.

-He couldn’t get tossed from the test – meaning no matter how hung over he was, he wasn’t allowed to puke.

-He had to wear the high school’s lacrosse letterman jacket from 2006, along with a booster club hat, and seniors ’06 shirt.

-He had to write legibly for the essay portion

-He could write whatever he wanted for the essay, he didn’t have to follow the prompt. (We were hoping he would write something funny)

-Take the full test or get kicked from the league

Meanwhile, this bro wrote a hilarious memoir of the entire SAT experience:


No, the SATs don’t provide the physical longevity of a calendar. Yet, the score reports combined with the brutality of those four hours could leave a haunting emotional scar that lasts an eternity.

#3 – The Thong

This one comes from my youngest brothers’ hometown league, and is an absolute gem. At the end of every fantasy season the last place finisher is stripped to nothing but a thong (color determined via the winner), and takes a harrowing stroll of shame down the beach. Indeed, this punishment would be even more ruthless if done during the packed, hot months of July or August instead of December. Nonetheless, countless dog walkers and couples in hopes of a romantic beach stroll have their eyes tortured with a degraded, thong-clad 20 year old.

Some things just can’t be unseen


#2 – The Lonely Trip

This one kills two birds with one stone, both rewarding the winner and heartlessly pillaging the last place mulch pile. Every offseason, the winner picks a location and his other leaguemates cover the cost for a massive celebration trip…that is, for everyone except last place. The winner also gets to choose any location to send the loser to, humiliated and alone, while all the other owners are partying up together. Most recently, the league enjoyed a nice trip to San Francisco, while the loser enjoyed a getaway to the always lovely Ferguson, MO. Of comfort, a recent investigation found that the Ferguson Police Department had outstanding arrest warrants for more than two thirds of the citizens…what a lovely place to spend a weekend alone.

How would you spend a weekend alone in Ferguson?

#1 – The ____ Tattoo

Though the tattoo might not appear the most original, it is by far the most degrading. A glaring, PERMANENT reminder of your sheer helplessness. Yes, permanent. As in, the rest of your life.

Though you won’t be the first league that does a tattoo, you can become the first of a specific type. For example, a buddy of mine does a league where the  woeful last place finisher has to get a Chewbacca tattoo. Now, the Chewbacca can be of any variety. From Nun Chewbacca, to Carribbean Bartender Chewbacca, the punishment allows creativity in its shame. The latest offering:

Ain’t no elbow drop like a Chewbacca elbow drop

There’s plenty your league will need to decide on, such as tattoo location and overall visibility, as well as the general size. Most important, however, is who or what the tattoo will feature.  Maybe every year you switch it up (per league vote) with whatever’s buzzing: the GoT Shame Bell lady herself. Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton. Rambo Trump? Hillary in a Lacy jersey? Shame Bell lady following Hillary in a Lacy jersey?

Priceless. Permanent. Shame

What would make for the most shameful tattoo? Know of a more cold-hearted last place punishment than those above? Send it to The Roto Street Journal at thewolf@rotostreetjournal.com or any of our social media outlets for a chance to be featured in our Fantasy Hall of Shame. 

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