Player Stock Ticker
The Wolf's Big Board:     Tuesday, August 22, 2017       Tier One - The Big Three ($65 - $75)   1 ) David Johnson (ARI) RB1   2 ) Le'Veon Bell (PIT) RB2   Tier Two - High-end WR1 and RB1s ($50-$65)   3 ) Antonio Brown (PIT) WR1   4 ) Julio Jones (ATL) WR2   5 ) Mike Evans (TB) WR3   6 ) Odell Beckham JR. (NYG) WR4   7 ) LeSean McCoy (BUF) RB3   8 ) AJ Green (CIN) WR5   9 ) Jordy Nelson (GB) WR6   10 ) Melvin Gordon (LAC) RB5   11 ) Jay Ajayi (MIA) RB6   12 ) DeMarco Murray (TEN) RB7   13 ) Michael Thomas (NO) WR7   14 ) Devonta Freeman (ATL) RB8   15 ) Ezekiel Elliott (DAL) RB9   Tier 3 - Remaining WR1s, Potential RB1s, and Gronk ($38 - $45)   16 ) Dez Bryant (DAL) WR8   17 ) Rob Gronkowski (NE) TE1   18 ) Todd Gurley (LAR) RB10   19 ) DeAndre Hopkins (HOU) WR9   20 ) Amari Cooper (OAK) WR10   21 ) Brandin Cooks (NE) WR11   22 ) Isaiah Crowell (CLE) RB11   23 ) TY Hilton (IND) WR12   24 ) Demaryius Thomas (DEN) WR13   25 ) Doug Baldwin (SEA) WR14   Tier 4 - High-End RB2 and WRs (with No.1 upside), Elite TEs ($25 - $35)   26 ) Jordan Howard (CHI) RB11   27 ) Marshawn Lynch (OAK) RB12   28 ) Tyreek Hill (KC) WR15   29 ) Keenan Allen (LAC) WR16   30 ) Martavis Bryant (PIT) WR17   31 ) Davante Adams (GB) WR18   32 ) Terrelle Pryor (WAS) WR19   33 ) Ty Montgomery (GB) RB13   34 ) Christian McCaffrey (CAR) RB14   35 ) Dalvin Cook (MIN) RB15   36 ) Joe Mixon (CIN) RB16   37 ) Leonard Fournette (JAX) RB17   38 ) Lamar Miller (HOU) RB18   39 ) Travis Kelce (KC) TE2   40 ) Michael Crabtree (OAK) WR20   41 ) Larry Fitzgerald (ARI) WR21   42 ) Carlos Hyde (SF) RB19   Tier 5 - Remaining #2 RB & WR options, elite QBs, High-End TE1s ($15 - $25)   43 ) Tom Brady (NE) QB1   44 ) Aaron Rodgers (GB) QB2   45 ) Bilal Powell (NYJ) RB20   46 ) Mark Ingram (NO) RB21   47 ) Eric Decker (TEN) WR22   48 ) Jordan Reed (WAS) TE3   49 ) Golden Tate (DET) WR23   50 ) Alshon Jeffery (PHI) WR24   51 ) Allen Robinson (JAX) WR25   52 ) Greg Olsen (CAR) TE4   53 ) DeSean Jackson (TB) WR26   54 ) Doug Martin (TB) RB22   55 ) Adrian Peterson (NO) RB23   56 ) Spencer Ware (KC) RB24   57 ) Willie Snead (NO) WR27   58 ) Danny Woodhead (BAL) RB25   59 ) Jamison Crowder (WAS) WR28   60 ) Sammy Watkins (LAC) WR29   61 ) Tevin Coleman (ATL) RB26   62 ) Mike Gillislee (NE) RB27   63 ) Jimmy Graham (SEA) TE5   64 ) Tyler Eifert (CIN) TE6   Tier 6 - Flex RBs, Upside WR3s, Quality TE1s and Elite QB ($10 - $15   65 ) Kelvin Banjamin (CAR) WR30   66 ) Julian Edelman (NE) WR31   67 ) Rob Kelley (WAS) RB28   68 ) Theo Riddick (DET) RB29   69 ) Stefon Diggs (MIN) WR32   70 ) Brandon Marshall (NYG) WR33   71 ) Jarvis Landry (MIA) WR34   72 ) DeVante Parker(MIA) WR35   73 ) LeGarrette Blount (PHI) RB30   74 ) Ameer Abdullah (DET) RB31   75 ) CJ Anderson (DEN) RB32   76 ) Zach Ertz (PHI) TE7   77 ) Hunter Henry (LAC) TE8   78 ) Martellus Bennett (GB) TE9   79 ) Jeremy Maclin (BAL) WR36   80 ) Cameron Meredith (CHI) WR37   81 ) Emmanuel Sanders (DEN) WR38   82 ) Pierre Garcon (SF) WR39   83 ) Drew Brees (NO) QB3   84 ) Matt Ryan (ATL) QB4   85 ) Delanie Walker (TEN) TE10   Tier 7 -Elite Bench Plays, Last Startable WRs and RBs, Quality QB1s   86 ) Derrick Henry (TEN) RB33   87 ) CJ Prosise (SEA) RB34   88 ) Donte Moncrief (IND) WR40   89 ) Terrance West (BAL) RB35   90 ) Thomas Rawls (SEA) RB36   91 ) James White (NE) RB37   92 ) Tyrell Williams (LAC) WR41   93 ) Randall Cobb (GB) WR42   94 ) Corey Davis (TEN) WR43   95 ) Frank Gore (IND) RB38   96 ) Jonathan Stewart (CR) RB39   97 ) Paul Perkins (NYG) RB40   98 ) Derek Carr (OAK) QB5   99 ) Jameis Winston (TB) QB6   100 ) Marcus Mariota (TEN) QB7   101 ) Kirk Cousins (WAS) QB8   102 ) Ben Roethlisberger (PIT) QB9   103 ) Philip Rivers (LAC) QB10   104 ) Cam Newton (CAR) QB11   105 ) Dak Prescott (DAL) QB12   106 ) Russell Wilson (SEA) QB13   107 ) Duke Johnson (CLE) RB41   108 ) Kareem Hunt (KC) RB42   109 ) Andrew Luck (IND) QB14   110 ) Tyrod Taylor (BUF) QB15   111 ) Jack Doyle (IND) TE10   112 ) Kyle Rudolph (MIN) TE11   Tier 7 - High End "Penny Stock" Bench Assets   113 ) Jamaal Williams (GB) RB43   114 ) Eddie Lacy (SEA) RB44   115 ) Joe Williams (SF) RB45   116 ) Robby Anderson (NYJ) WR44   117 ) Zay Jones (BUF) WR45   118 ) John Brown (ARI) WR46   119 ) Jamaal Charles (DEN) RB46   120 ) Eric Ebron (DET) TE13   121 ) D'Onta Foreman (HOU) RB47   122 ) Taylor Gabriel (ATL) WR47   123 ) Jacquizz Rodgers (TB) RB48   124 ) Darren Sproles (PHI) RB49   125 ) Marvin Jones (DET) WR48   126 ) Ted Ginn Jr (NO) WR49   127 ) Mike Wallace (BAL) WR50   128 ) Kenny Golladay (DET) WR51   129 ) Jonathan Williams (BUF) RB50   130 ) Alvin Kamara (NO) RB51   131 ) Samaje Perine (WAS) RB52   Tier 8 - Remaining "Penny Stocks" to consider   132 ) Josh Docston (WAS) WR52   133 ) Corey Coleman (CLE) WR53   134 ) Adam Thielen (MIN) WR54   135 ) Marlon Mack (IND) RB53   136 ) Julius Thomas (MIA) TE14   137 ) Austin Hooper (ATL) TE15   138 ) Jared Cook (OAK) TE16   139 ) OJ Howard (TB) TE17   140 ) Eli Manning (NYG) QB16   141 ) Andy Dalton (CIN) QB17   142 ) Matthew Stafford (DET) QB18   143 ) Carson Palmer (ARI) QB19   144 ) Matt Forte (NYJ) RB54   145 ) Branden Oliver (LAC) RB55   146 ) Kenny Britt (CLE) WR57   147 ) Cordarelle Patterson (OAK) WR58   148 ) Rex Burkhead (NE) RB56   149 ) Tarik Cohen (CHI) RB57   150 ) Nelson Agholor (PHI) WR59  

GOAT Fantasy League Contest, Nomination #1: The Fight for the Fez

The Roto Street Journal is out to crown the best fantasy league around, and The Wolf has now set the bar.  We introduce The Fight for the Fez, a collection of 12 degenerates and longtime friends from Beverly, MA.

GOAT Fantasy League Application

Application Purpose: To identify the greatest fantasy league around.

Criteria:

  • Creative, ruthless shame
  • Strong sense of pride
  • Competitiveness and overall league commitment  

Process: Applications will be judged on a rolling basis, as received at rotostreetjournal@gmail.com.  All worthy applications will receive air time, but a league must be truly outstanding to dethrone the current champion.

League Name: The Fight for the Fez

Size: 12

Scoring:  Half PPR

Draft Format: Auction

League Start Date / Years of Competition:  2008, entering our 10th year

Members – Name (or nickname), Titles Won, Brief Description

1) Coach, Current Fez Holder (1 total):  After mercifully assuming ownership from his hapless brother Sailor J, Coach has finally found his groove; he not only earned Brother Nards their first winning season, but a title with it. In a banner fantasy year, Coach added a Fantasy Bachelor Trophy to his case as well.

2) Wolf, 2 Fezzes, 4 x runner up (embarrassing):  A true shark and one of the brightest fantasy minds out there. Resident league expert

3) Sparky, 2 Fezzes: Token league Mexican that can’t speak Spanish. The Wolf’s personal kryptonite, generally competitive but recovering from a bad case of the Gurleys.

4) Skinny, 2 Fezzes: Yes, that nickname is entirely encompassing.  A perennial playoff threat, despite minimal football IQ. Respect.

5) MeowMix, 1 Fez: Won the inaugural Fez, highly irrelevant since. Blames it on diabetes.

6) Firehose, 1 Fez:  Far from what you might believe, Firehose earns his name by drafting entirely based on estimated dick size; lately his judgments have been way off. Soon to be flower girl (see, Last Place Punishments)

7) Dirty Rob, 1 Fez:  Mysteriously located in a new country every month, presumably filming filthy pornos. Was once considered a threat.

8) Big Tires, Fezless: The faithful commissioner and most consistent choke-artist around. Generally towards the top of the regular season standings, and a mortal lock to be eliminated within the semis.

 

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Nothing like a good tire fire after a Big Jay Choke

9) Lawyer Mac, Fezless: Necessary lawyer and voice of reason when Sparky wouldn’t stop (and still continues) bitching about the -5 Missed PAT rule.

10) Bunny Konaxis, Fezless: Once drove over 2 hours to pick up a bunny. Any wonder why the kid never makes the playoffs?

11) The Blodge, Fezless: The league appreciates this bottom-dwellers annual donation.

12) “Grand” Bailafier, Definitely Fezless: Psychotically, even depressingly, maintains that he won the first Fez; really, his only league first was losing all his hair. Rivalry week opponent of The Wolf.

 

Unique Rules

Prior to the PAT being moved further back, The Fight for the Fez featured -5 for missed PATs.  Consequently, a blocked Robbie Gould PAT and the negative points led to a 3 point loss for Sparky; the ensuing debates about whether blocked should count as missed ripped apart friendships, and allowed Sparky to really earn his nickname (tool sent over 200 whining texts that day). Thank goodness Lawyer Mac, ever the voice of reason, put Sparky in a body bag that day.

The Fez also features league fines for the last four finishers AND starting someone on a bye: + $100 for 12th, $75 for 11th, $50 for 10th, $25 for 9th (determined before the stupid consolation round), $100 fine each bye week offense (in addition to constant shaming). This keeps everyone competitive.

 

League Prize / Trophy (picture encouraged):

Are words even necessary after setting your eyes upon this beauty?  This piece of felt, and having your name so boldly stitched in, means as much as future children and wives.  Five owners still have never had the soft Fez grace their heads. I could write a multi-page essay on this incredible symbol of pride, and plan to in the near future.

 

Top Degrading Side Bets (evidence encouraged):

 

Steak Dinner:  Loser has to attend and pay for a steak dinner of the winner’s choosing; however, the loser can only drink water the entire time, watching the winner enjoy every delicious bite of perfectly cooked filet.

Note – This side bet still has not been paid, and the Kharma does not lie.

Letterman Jacket:  Wearing a Letterman Jacket is rough. Wearing someone else’s to Thanksgiving Day is even tougher. Nonetheless, the loser must don the winner’s leather sleeved, never-been-worn coat at the most well-attended game of the season.

Bidet Facial:  Rarely do you find bidets (the thing that sprays your asshole) in your standard rental toilets, but when you do, you put a 10-second facial on the line.

Blow Out Readings:  Every week, the person who has been on the receiving end of a Toyota Blow Out has to read a passage of literally anything written by the winner.  This is recorded and sent to your Group Chat by 11pm on Sunday.

Hey Sparky!

Last Place Punishments (evidence again encouraged):

 

If The Fez has dropped the ball anywhere, it’d be on Last Place Punishments, with no real historic penalty outside of the added $100 fee.  This year, however, we will ideally make up for it with our last place finisher (Firehose)…

Flower Girl:  At Skinny’s wedding, our pathetic last place finisher will be announced as the flower girl, upon which he will make a flower-sprinkling entrance and ruthlessly shamed. More on this later.

 

OPTIONAL Free Write / Show: In whatever manner you see fit (essay, image, story, poem, haiku, fingerpainting), express why your league is the GOAT.

Throughout the coming weeks, I will be producing First Person narratives reliving awful side bets, and pieces praising The Fez.

 

 

Does this league seem soft compared to yours? Doubtful, since The Fez is the greatest to ever exist. But if you feel yours is comparable, check out our application and send one in to rotostreetjournal@gmail.com

 

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